(Trigger warning- this blog contains references to misogyny, consent and sexual assault)

We never saw it coming.

I’ve taught PSHE for two decades, leading the curriculum for a large part of that time. Over the years, Oasis has adapted to the rise of technology and instantaneous global communication by using the PSHE/Citizenship curriculum to teach students about online safety, fact-checking, and recognising manipulated content. Previous Labour government strategies like Prevent and the Conservative's British Values aimed to counter political and religious extremism. But we never anticipated this new radicalisation.

If you had told me 10 years ago that I would be having conversations with 14 -year- old boys where they are fully defending sexual assault and abuse towards women, I wouldn’t have believed you.

Around the autumn of 2022, post COVID lockdown, I started hearing boys in my class talk about an online influencer, “He’s a Top G, Miss”, “Have you seen his sick Bugatti Miss?”. I’m always one to keep up with the latest fad that the students are talking about, (I’ve got a draw full of fidget spinners and I’m a champ at bottle flipping), so I Googled this influencer! Yes, he’s got a very ‘sick’ Bugatti, but behind all the glamour were deeply disturbing views: women shouldn’t vote, women shouldn’t work, women shouldn’t go out alone and should take responsibility for being sexually assaulted. It’s a man’s job to rule over women. The list went on.

The influencer’s wealth, muscles and fancy cars seem to have our boys in awe. To them, he’s winning in life, and his views must be the reason. This is the radicalisation that we did not expect.  In lessons I began hearing these ideas repeatedly. One of my year 9 RSE lessons was derailed by boys claiming consent wasn’t valid- if women didn’t want to be forced into sexual activity, they shouldn’t leave the house. These comments weren’t a simple discipline issue; they showed the need for education. If we don’t talk to our boys about these topics, online influencers will.

As we navigate a world where online personalities are increasingly emboldened by the spread of harmful views, and platforms like X, (formerly Twitter), grow more unregulated while TikTok becomes the primary news source for many children, we must find ways to address this emerging radicalisation. This new wave of misogyny is a gender equality issue and a crisis for young men.

A real concern is the damage these harmful views can have on our boys. Already more likely to face school exclusion, rejecting female authority could harm their relationships with teachers, future personal relationships and ability to work effectively alongside women. These attitudes also jeopardise their capacity to build healthy connections, express emotions and seek help. Influencers expressing that depression isn’t real or consent doesn’t matter could have devastating consequences on the lives of our boys.

This is now a time for a call to action. For the sake of our boys, we need to:

1. Educate: Schools and parents must teach boys about consent, respect, and healthy relationships. Discussing gender equality and challenging misogyny can instil values that reject violence and promote understanding.
2. Promote Positive Role Models: Boys need access to diverse role models who embody healthy expressions of masculinity. Men who stand against misogyny and advocate for gender equality can demonstrate that being strong does not equate to being aggressive or dominating.
3. Foster Open Dialogue: Encouraging discussions about the effects of misogyny can help boys understand that gender equality benefits everyone. They require safe spaces to talk about their views and experiences without fear of judgement. This allows adults to unpick harmful ideas and offer healthier perspectives.
4. Offer Guidance:  Boys crave purpose, belonging and guidance which influencers can exploit. Encouraging participating in initiatives that promote positive masculinity can help them grow into compassionate, informed individuals.

As we continue with HisStory Month, let’s respond to this call to action by promoting healthy habits, happy lives and shaping futures.

To help guide the conversation and empower families to navigate this complex issue, have a look at Smartphone Free Childhood’s mission, which promotes healthy online habits and supports the well-being of young people in today’s digital world.

If we don’t talk to our boys about misogyny, online influencers will.